The Messy Middle
Is it just me, or are many Americans obsessed over before and after transformations? We see it all over social media. Before and after photos of home organization and remodeling projects (my favorites), photos of women and men before and after a workout regime, before and after makeup shots, you get the idea. In fact, the Instagram hashtag #beforeandafter has over16 million posts!
In mid-March, I purchased a paint-by-number. Once complete, it's supposed to feature a peaceful river cutting through mountains. I've worked on it sporadically these last two and a half months, but soon learned I'm not really enjoying it. This particular print has very tiny sections that are hard to paint with the cheap brushes provided. Still, I plan to complete it, and why you ask? It wasn't that expensive, so I'm not terribly concerned about having wasted my money, but I do really want to see the "after". The "after" will let me know if the hours spent in the middle were really worth it. The "after" might become something I'm proud of, who knows? I'm learning that if I don't get and stay involved during the mess, I won't ever get to see the after.
In my own life, I've seen my infatuation with before and after get in the way of me living in "the messy middle" and in particular making a difference in other people's lives. I feel like I need to have an answer laid out, the right words to say, or a solution to your problem before stepping into the middle. Essentially, I don't want to get involved unless I know what the outcome will be and feel an assurance that everything will work out in the end. Such is not how life works unfortunately.
The last few days, my heart has been heavy and wrestling with a huge, messy problem our nation has struggled with since well before its inaguration - racism. It's something that I've always abhorrerd, and brought to the forefront of my mind again because of the brutal murder or Ahmaud Arbery. Likely you already know the story, so I'll just say that he was a 25 year old unarmed black man who was shot in his own neighborhood by two white men while jogging. I've seen various people I follow and celebrities alike on social media post about his murder. One was a graphic that said "Exercising while black should not be a death sentence", another seen was a call to arms for us to jog 2.23 miles (as he died on February 23rd) and post using the hashtag #Irunwithmaud or #irunwithahmaud.
Me? I didn't post a thing. Not until now anyway. No graphic. No hashtag. No links to a news article. Nothing. And here's why...right or wrong - it felt like jumping into a big messy pool of crap without a lifejacket, and I'm not the best swimmer. If I'm going to drown, I'd at least hope to save someone else first, and I know for me, a simple repost would have done little to no good.
Here's the thing - there's NOTHING wrong with posting encouraging graphics and hashtags, but there's got to be more we can do. So what can you and I do? I have a couple thoughts, and some good friends that are on the frontlines of the war against racism with even better ideas and a drive to never give up.
But for me in this very moment, the very best that I can think to do personally is just to learn to go ahead and jump into that messy middle with anybody who's ever been discriminated against: hurt with you, cry with you, hold you. I wish I could say I understand, but as a white female, there's no way I could fully comprehend what it means to be judged by the color of my skin, but I will try. I want to enter into your mess. I'm here if you ever need to vent, need to pray, need to laugh or cry. Let me be there for you. Let us be there for you. We may not see the full "after" picture in our lifetimes, but if we can continue to work together, I believe it will start to come together slowly like a puzzle. In the meantime, help me remember, There's beauty in the messy middle to be found as well.
In mid-March, I purchased a paint-by-number. Once complete, it's supposed to feature a peaceful river cutting through mountains. I've worked on it sporadically these last two and a half months, but soon learned I'm not really enjoying it. This particular print has very tiny sections that are hard to paint with the cheap brushes provided. Still, I plan to complete it, and why you ask? It wasn't that expensive, so I'm not terribly concerned about having wasted my money, but I do really want to see the "after". The "after" will let me know if the hours spent in the middle were really worth it. The "after" might become something I'm proud of, who knows? I'm learning that if I don't get and stay involved during the mess, I won't ever get to see the after.
In my own life, I've seen my infatuation with before and after get in the way of me living in "the messy middle" and in particular making a difference in other people's lives. I feel like I need to have an answer laid out, the right words to say, or a solution to your problem before stepping into the middle. Essentially, I don't want to get involved unless I know what the outcome will be and feel an assurance that everything will work out in the end. Such is not how life works unfortunately.
The last few days, my heart has been heavy and wrestling with a huge, messy problem our nation has struggled with since well before its inaguration - racism. It's something that I've always abhorrerd, and brought to the forefront of my mind again because of the brutal murder or Ahmaud Arbery. Likely you already know the story, so I'll just say that he was a 25 year old unarmed black man who was shot in his own neighborhood by two white men while jogging. I've seen various people I follow and celebrities alike on social media post about his murder. One was a graphic that said "Exercising while black should not be a death sentence", another seen was a call to arms for us to jog 2.23 miles (as he died on February 23rd) and post using the hashtag #Irunwithmaud or #irunwithahmaud.
Me? I didn't post a thing. Not until now anyway. No graphic. No hashtag. No links to a news article. Nothing. And here's why...right or wrong - it felt like jumping into a big messy pool of crap without a lifejacket, and I'm not the best swimmer. If I'm going to drown, I'd at least hope to save someone else first, and I know for me, a simple repost would have done little to no good.
Here's the thing - there's NOTHING wrong with posting encouraging graphics and hashtags, but there's got to be more we can do. So what can you and I do? I have a couple thoughts, and some good friends that are on the frontlines of the war against racism with even better ideas and a drive to never give up.
But for me in this very moment, the very best that I can think to do personally is just to learn to go ahead and jump into that messy middle with anybody who's ever been discriminated against: hurt with you, cry with you, hold you. I wish I could say I understand, but as a white female, there's no way I could fully comprehend what it means to be judged by the color of my skin, but I will try. I want to enter into your mess. I'm here if you ever need to vent, need to pray, need to laugh or cry. Let me be there for you. Let us be there for you. We may not see the full "after" picture in our lifetimes, but if we can continue to work together, I believe it will start to come together slowly like a puzzle. In the meantime, help me remember, There's beauty in the messy middle to be found as well.
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